Stuffing rape.

“You’re moving anyways, do you really want to be traveling back and forth dealing with this whole thing? I mean, I have my own opinions about this, but it’s not professional of me to share them. My advice to you, would be to just wrap it up and put it somewhere in the back of your mind. -Some Snohomish County Sheriff Douche Lord.

That was the response I got when I reported my rape, 24 hours after I became just another statistic. 

“Rape is Rape! No means No! Even if you’re having sex, and you say no, or stop, it’s still rape!” -Says all the federal laws and rape advocates. Yea right, on what Fuckin planet! My rapist, a temporary co-worker, raped me in my apartment while I was training him. And everyone, including my company let him off the hook. I let him off the hook. 

Part of being borderline, can also mean you’re a slutty little whore. Okay, that was a little rough, it can also mean you tend to be exceptionally promiscuous. I definitely fit into that category of the diagnosis and symptoms. The more I learn about BPD, the more I understand myself, and why I did the things I did/do. I did not become borderline in the past 3 months, I have struggled with this diagnosis since I was a teenager. I did not know an official term for it until now. 

Some may say, I put myself in that position. Being raped. Are you fucking kidding me……Nobody puts themselves in a position to be raped. The reality of it is this; I had created a reputation for myself (promiscuity, overly nice & incredibley accommodating.) By nature,  I am ridiculously naive, and vultures seem to smell it a mile away. I love to flirt, but that does not mean I want to fuck you. Well, I mean, most of the time it does, but not always. In this specific incident, I flirted, I gave into the grooming, and his seduction. Then he took from me what he wanted, while I yelled NO!, and STOP IT! And GET OFF! What led up to my rape, and post rape, I could have handled differently looking back, but I didn’t. 

You know they should really give us a fucking manual when we’re born on how to appropriately react to rape. That way there will be no question. It’s like when your dad tells you, “If you get into a car accident, never admit fault.” We learn that shit early on. I mean, it’s a really great piece of advice, but when it came to my rape, I had no tools. Just guilt and shame. 

The fact that I was promiscuous, and it was known, coupled with the fact that I let him back in my apartment twice afterwards, basically dismissed my rape. The Sheriff was right, Why in the fuck would I want to put myself through all of testimonies, and victim shaming. I don’t think I could emotionally handle it, and really in the end, what would I gain. Look at the swimmer that just raped that woman. He got nothing really but a slap on the wrist, and that was a highly publicized rape.

Because I have a pussy, and you wanna fuck, even if I say no, you’ll take what you want anyways.  You will suffer no consequences, wipe the sweat from your brow, let off a slight “whew”….and call it a day. Meanwhile, I remain a victim for the rest of my life. 

But there were 4 people in my room that day. Saytan, you (piece of shit rapist), myself, and Allah (SWT). It is the latter you will have to answer to. 

PS; In case you haven’t noticed, I refer to my God as Allah, as I am a Muslim. A very liberal Muslim, who says very naughty words. 

If you are a victim, I am sorry. Fuck your rapist. They’re worthless. The universe does not forget them. Trust that.

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